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Valentine’s Day for Widows = No Valentine, Just Pain

It’s February, and along with cold weather and snow in many parts of the world, there are red Valentine’s Day hearts everywhere!  TV commercials are for jewelry stores with heart pendants, candy hearts abound, and Valentine’s Day cards are in all the stores…you cannot seem to get away from them.

These hearts are supposed to make you feel warm and fuzzy but instead, because of the loss of your loved one, you feel sad and perhaps angry.  As a widow, you remember the former Valentine’s Days when you had someone who loved you; someone who gave you cards with big red hearts; someone who gave you candy and flowers and jewelry.  But now, you may feel that you want to move to the moon where you won’t be hit on every side with the pain of loss.  What can you do?

Well, when it comes to the pain of loss…you have a choice to become depressed, cry, rage, sulk, whine, and be generally miserable OR YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT.  Getting through this time may seem to be easier said than done.  Here are a few things you might try which will help you to get through the most romantic month of the year.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN

Trying to deny the pain of loss and grief only pushes it down deep inside where it will fester and perhaps become toxic bitterness.  Feel the pain and think about it in a positive way.  Realize that someday the wonderful memories which today are so painful will become pleasant.

It is OK to turn off the TV and radio when a sentimental song comes on.  Why torture yourself?  Simply move onto something else.

REALIZE THAT FEBRUARY IS THE SHORTEST MONTH OF THE YEAR

There are only 28 days in February and February 14th, Valentine’s Day, comes halfway through the month.  Once Valentine’s Day has come and gone, the commercials will miraculously change from Valentine’s jewelry to something entirely different.  YOU CAN MAKE IT UNTIL FEBRUARY 15TH!

DISTRACT YOUR THOUGHTS

Try to think happy thoughts of the coming springtime and warmer temperatures or the vacation you have planned for this summer.  If you don’t have a vacation planned, maybe now is the time to start planning.  You are in charge of what you think.  If you allow your mind to dwell on the past, no matter how wonderful it was, you will never be able to move into the future.  We have eyes in one side of our head because God did not intend for us to look backward and forward at the same time.  We must choose which way we will look.  I encourage you to look to the future as you cannot change the past.  You do have an opportunity to determine your future.

KEEP BUSY

Find things you like to do and DO THEM.  Don’t just think about what you SHOULD be doing, actually get out there and…

MOVE INTO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!

Happy Springtime!

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3 comments

1 Happy Valentine’s Day « I Did Not Know What To Say Blog { 02.14.11 at 8:00 AM }

[...] Valentine’s Day for Widows = No Valentine, Just Pain – Marcy Kelly http://marcythecoach.com/blog/widow/valentines-day-for-widows-no-valentine-just-pain/  [...]

2 Widow/Widower Valentine’s Day Grief Support Resources « I Did Not Know What To Say Blog { 02.05.12 at 11:14 AM }

[...] Valentine’s Day for Widows = No Valentine, Just Pain by Marcy Kelly, Author From Sorrow to Dancing [...]

3 Valentine’s Grief Support Resources « I Did Not Know What To Say Blog { 02.11.13 at 11:17 PM }

[...] Valentine’s Day for Widows = No Valentine, Just Pain by Marcy Kelly, Author From Sorrow to Dancing [...]

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